One Bish Two Bish Nude Bish Rude Bish
by Angrybee
Summary: When Tohma comes to confront Shuichi about his growing indecency problem on stage, he finds that Shu has sworn off clothes complete. Rating for sexual innuendo and language.


DISCLAIMER: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami. The Raven belongs to Edgar Allen Poe. Dr. Seuss belongs to all the children of the world.  
  
DISCLAIMER AGAIN: This story contains heavy sexual references/innuendo, and is decidedly rated -R-. There's also a LOT of cursing.

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**One Bish, Two Bish, Nude Bish, Rude Bish.**

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Once upon a twilight evening, there came a man, gasping, heaving, to the door of one Uesugi Eiri. He had in hand a small black box, and as he pushed away his golden locks, you could hear him mumble...  
  
"Crap. Crap. Crap."  
  
He wore a fancy, smancy hat, for his haberdasher was all -that-. Some call him Tohma. Some call him 'Top Cat'.  
  
Snap. Snap. Snap.  
  
As he opened the door so solid, he came into a room quite squalid, filled with manga and video games and a body upon the floor. The body of Shindou Shuichi was lying on the floor...naked...like a little whore.   
  
And Tohma found himself sinking, thinking, "Who would leave the body of Shindou Shuichi out for any to explore? Who would conceive of such thrillingly hardcore decor? Who would throw away a perfectly good j-pop star, as if he were not wanted anymore?"   
  
What a tasty morsel, this boy, offered up on buffet for Tohma to enjoy. But, was this some sort of ploy? Some sort of coy plan to toy with and utterly destroy the man standing at the door? Or was this...the real McCoy?  
  
"Shuichi, Shuichi, are you sleeping? Do you invite Toms to come peeping? Why have you laid out your body on the floor? This is hard, hard to ignore!"  
  
Nap? Nap? Nap?  
  
For Shuichi, surely, was still sleeping. And Tohma stepped forward, ever creeping, leaping over piles of manga and games which littered the offensive floor. There was Shuichi, pretty, shiny, curled upon himself oh-so-tiny, exposing his delicious hiney to the man standing not to far away from the door.   
  
To his dismay this display affected our Tohma more than he would care to say...for he was completely gay.  
  
"Shindou Shuichi, won't you rise? My mind keeps straying to your thighs, and for this reason I advise that it would be wise to put some clothes upon your naked form. Dress yourself as per the norm. Oh my, oh my, I feel quite warm."  
  
"Whap. Whap. Whap."  
  
And shocked was Tohma, looking frightful, though the sound was quite delightful, and it made him shudder, shiver to his core. Was Shuichi being naughty on the floor? Poor Tohma wanted to drip, to pour, out of his hat into a puddle on the floor. It was that sound, that sound he so adored.  
  
"Whap. Whap. Whap."  
  
And he hugged himself, thinking dryly, that he might finally know what had entranced Yuki Eiri so highly in days of yore. What ephemeral creature had angels sent to lie here pleasuring himself on young Eiri's floor? And slyly, spryly, Tohma leaned over to express his glee for the sound he most adored.  
  
"Clap. Clap. Clap."  
  
And turning slowly, oh so slowly, the naked form of Shindou Shuichi came to face Seguchi Tohma. Unfurling, uncurling his nubile body on the floor, Shindou Shuichi showed Tohma much, much more.  
  
"Seguchi-san, good to see you. Almost, almost too good to be true."  
  
"Shindou Shuichi, get your shirt! Wait. What were you doing down there, if I may be curt? For just now a sound came to my ears, one that brings me nigh to tears. And though I do not dare to name the sound, if it is as I am thinking, it may compound the troubles our relationship to the Nth degree. Shuichi, Shuichi, don't you see?"  
  
And Shuichi held up his hand with a smile and giggled at Tohma for a while before he revealed, "It's only my water wiggle. A water wiggle, don't you see?. That's the sound, the sound it be!"  
  
But, still Tohma was darkly musing about situations quite confusing, as the naked body of Shuichi was disturbing him more and more. Plus there was the fact that Shuichi was peering, no, in fact he was almost leering at the confused blonde standing on Yuki Eiri's floor. Shuichi's hips began to grind, putting thoughts in Tohma's mind. And Shuichi's lips began to pout, but kissing them was -right- -out-!  
  
"What has gotten into Shindou Shuichi?" Tohma's mind implored.  
  
"Seguchi Tohma, why have you come? Did you want to have some fun?"  
  
"I did not come to have some fun. I came to show you this rerun, this video tape of you acting most naughty in your latest concert. You're running around with your pants undone, showing bits to everyone, flesh that should never see the sun...like your thighs, and your buns!"  
  
Said Shuichi, "Oh, how nice. Well, put it in. Lets take this tape for a spin."  
  
So Tohma went to the VCR. It wasn't really, very far. He stuck the tape into the slot, but it would not go in, it would not.  
  
"Push it, Tohma, push it hard. Just don't break it into shards."  
  
So Tohma pushed, and wiggled, and jiggled yet some more. He turned the tape this way and that, but it would not fit into the slat. He tugged and shrugged and tried to turn, and that's when Tohma came to learn, that his sleeve was stuck in the hungry mouth of the VCR.  
  
"I'm stuck! I'M STUCK! OH GOD! PLEASE HELP!" Seguchi Tohma was forced to yelp.  
  
"Oh, Tohma, don't you know how a tape is supposed to go? You have to be gentle and go quite slow. Leave it, leave it...to a pro!"  
  
Shuichi untangled the mangled Tohma and slipped the slick tape into the slat. Into the slot the bad tape slid, put there by the pink-haired kid.  
  
And -on- the TV was surely switched, to display a rock star quite bewitched, trembling music falling from his moistened lips. A concert tape of Bad Luck, Shuichi dancing like Shakespeare's Puck...  
  
"Shindou-san, this tape is recent, and it shows you being quite indecent. Do you wish to explain this insane game designed to bring NG so much shame?"  
  
And Shuichi said, "I've decided not to wear clothes anymore. No. Nevermore. I've locked them all in my drawer. Clothes are boring, and make me snore."  
  
"That just won't do! What will the press construe of this new and naked you?"  
  
"They will like it, yes they will! It will give them quite a thrill. Sales will skyrocket, sales will kill!" And Shuichi leaned into Tohma oh-so-near, and said in a voice quite sincere, "And Seguchi-san, please do not deny, even though you're a guy, and I'm a guy, you find me tasty, just like pie!"  
  
"Why I..."  
  
"Because just now, when you were stuck, you made a sound as if you could suck the air from this room into your lungs. You weren't thinking about Bad Luck! You were thinking how you'd like to fuck!"  
  
Shuichi grabbed Tohma by the hand and dragged him, pulled him, with great demand, into the kitchen of Yuki Eiri's flat.  
  
"We could fuck on table. We could fuck, if you're able."  
  
"We should not fuck on the table. I think you're mad, or at least not stable."  
  
"We could fuck against the fridge, you could even call me 'Midge'!"  
  
"We will not fuck against the fridge. I need some ice for my head. Yes, just a smidge."  
  
Tohma opened the refrigerator, hoping to a grand Creator that Shuichi would stop this nonsense now, not later.  
  
Asked Tohma, "Why is the remote control in the freezer?"   
  
Answered Shuichi, "A cold sex toy is quite a pleaser!"  
  
"Shuichi, I will not fuck you in the kitchen, I will not, no, though you look bitchin'."  
  
"Will you fuck me in the closet?"  
  
"But the video..."  
  
"Oh, just pause it."  
  
"Let us do it in the bath!"  
  
"But, we'll suffer Eiri's wrath!"  
  
"You're no fun, no you're not. Don't you even think I'm hot?"  
  
"I think you're hot, oh yes you are..."  
  
"Then, shall we fuck in Yuki's car?"  
  
"I will not fuck you in a car, or in a bath. I'm not going down that path. I will not ever sex you up. I will not fuck you, saucy pup."  
  
Shuichi's eyes filled full of tears, Tohma suspected he'd had some beers. Shuichi was acting rather queer. (And I note here: We mean quite "strange". Gaydar always puts him way off range.)  
  
"Oh, I know, we could fuck on Yuki's bed."  
  
"If he catches you, you're so dead."  
  
"You could do me on the couch."  
  
Tohma could only sigh, and slouch.   
  
"I'd like to fuck upon the ceiling."  
  
"You've taken drugs, I have a feeling."  
  
"Won't you fuck me, Tohma, please? Don't make me whip you, or use these." (Shuichi held up metal cuffs. Thought Tohma, "I didn't know he liked it rough.")   
  
"I will not fuck you, straight or kinky, although you're looking cute and slinky. Not on the couch or on the ceiling. Please be quiet, my head is reeling..."  
  
And then the kitchen door flew wide, and with a fast, determined stride, Yuki Eiri came inside.  
  
"Again, you're naked, stupid brat. I wish, indeed, you'd stop with that!"  
  
"Yuki, Yuki, you did appear! Can we three fuck, now that you're here?"  
  
"What is your problem, are you mad? Please go get dressed to make me glad."  
  
But, Shuichi whined and Shuichi cried. He would not get dressed, though they tried.   
  
"What do you want, silly boy, what is it that you'd most enjoy? How can we get you to comply? Please tell us now before we die!"  
  
"I want a threesome, yes I do. I want a threesome, with you...and you!"  
  
"That will not happen, not in my life. Besides that man...he has a wife!"  
  
So Shuichi sighed and sadly said, "I guess I'll settle...for a threesome testing mettle..."

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Shuichi sat upon the ground, making happy squealing sounds. In his hand was the control and he was on a winning roll.  
  
"Super Mario is the best!"  
  
"I don't care one bit, just glad you're dressed."  
  
"Tohma, Tohma, it's your turn now. You must play too, it was your vow!"  
  
"Of course I will, and you'll go 'wow'. I can't help it. I have to beat something right now...kerpow! Take that Bowser, silly dragon. I'll send you to the dead body wagon!"  
  
The threesome played into the night, by the TV's glowing light. They fought the bad guys, fought and won, this threesome had such crazy fun. There was no fucking, in baths or halls. But still, our heroes had a ball!  
  
(Said Eiri, "You lie so bad, you have such gall. I did not like it. NOT AT ALL!")

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This horrible fluke of my mind was created for the GMM challenge as posted by "michechu" on May 21, 2004. 


End file.
